from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
