As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
