She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
