It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
