I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
pray to the hookup gods
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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