Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
