lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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