He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
