I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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