Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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