I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Michael Bay diarrhea
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
