i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
