i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
