i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
