Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
