she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
