so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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