my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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