we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
