So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
