bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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