Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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