is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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