guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
