this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
