considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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