I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
