"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
