She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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