one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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