He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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