Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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