I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
