The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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