i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
