I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
