yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
