I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
be right there i have to get my cape
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
