i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
