Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize