Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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