dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
