I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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