he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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