I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
