i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
