I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
