i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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