After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
