Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
did i just pee glitter
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
