It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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