Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
