If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
