i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The best revenge is premature balding
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
