I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
