Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
