Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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