My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
