The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
