Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
