I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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