I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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