Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
