Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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