Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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