When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
