Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
