I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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